Margaret's struggle and Hawk's caring
by Paulina'sHM
Summary: Margaret struggles to overcome the death of a young Private. Hawkeye listens to her troubles. Is there more than friendship between the Major and the Captain? HM if continued.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I don't own MASH cos if I did I would be rich beyond my wildest dreams. I'm just a poor uni student, so don't sue please. I only own Private Louis. Please enjoy :-)

**Margaret's Struggle and Hawks' caring**

Margaret walked into post op rather drained to say the least. They had been in surgery for over 70 hours. They only lost two boys, but those boys were in her mind at that moment. One boy in particular, a Private, occupied her thoughts. She thought about the senseless destruction, the waste of it all… It also occurred to her that in the past she LIKED the war. She had changed, but how? She knew how… Hawkeye had broken down her barriers through little things… He helped her through the death of the little dog, through her divorce, through her pregnancy scare and through her fear of loud noises in the cave… He had been there for her ALL the time. She loved him for that.

"Hawkeye, what are you doing in post op? You're not on duty, are you?" Margaret asked curiously.

"Well, I came to check on this kid… He was touch and go in OR, so I thought I'd see how he's doing," Hawkeye stated calmly.

"Oh, ok… How did you find OR?" Margaret felt a bit tense and insecure, but she didn't really know why.

"OR… Ah, OR… What can I say? It was worse than hell could ever be… Almost 70 hours of non-stop operating. The blood, the smell… My back!" Margaret had to laugh a bit at this.

She really cared about this man in front of her. She didn't know why. He was so unmilitary and messy, but he was also the best and most dedicated surgeon she had ever met. She had been a nurse for over 10 years and had met many MDs, but Hawkeye had the best skills and bedside manner she had ever witnessed. She was proud to work with him.

As Hawkeye checked the young man's pulse and BP, he thought of Margaret standing there next to him. He had always admired her, even when he 'hated' her during the first year of the war. She was the best nurse he had ever met. He would hand him the instruments in OR sometimes before he even had to ask. She could read his mind… And he could sometimes read hers. He knew when she covered her feelings. At these times she became the strict military Hot Lips Houlihan. She no longer was this person and he knew it. If only he could tell her how much he really cared about her. He didn't want to get slugged though, or even worse, completely humiliated… That was the danger. He wasn't sure if he loved her, but he knew that he did care deeply about her. He never wanted to see her hurt and he hoped he'd never see that.

"Hawkeye?" Margaret shook him slightly, waking him from his thoughts.

"Hey, sorry. I was just thinking, you know?" Hawkeye said. He seemed a little distracted still, but at least he had acknowledged Margaret's presence.

A few minutes later Hawkeye turned to look at Margaret. She quickly turned away. Hawkeye hadn't seen much, but he thought he saw a tear in her eyes.

"Margaret, are you alright?" He was full of concern for the Head Nurse.

"I'm ok, Pierce!" She yelled and she ran out.

Hawkeye knew that something was wrong. She hadn't called him Pierce in a long time. It was always Hawkeye now. He had to find her. He had to talk to her.

"Margaret, please talk to me. Please speak to me." This was Hawkeye plea when he found Margaret at the O-Club.

"There is nothing wrong. Nothing. Now leave me alone." Margaret was hysterical, actually beside herself. She tried to act strong, but she was too weak to be very effective at it.

"Margaret, we've all had a tough day. You can't tell me that watching that young man Louis die didn't affect you. I know you and it did cause hell in your mind. I know this because it caused it in mine." Hawkeye thought that a confession on his own part might get Margaret to talk. It did.

Margaret quickly broke down. "Hawkeye… That boy couldn't have been more that 18. He died because of me. I was incompetent. I should have brought the adrenaline sooner. I should pumped more air into him. I should have done more!" With this, Hawkeye knew why she cried. She wasn't to blame. She worked above and beyond to save the young Private.

"Margaret… You did everything you could. WE did everything we could. There was nothing we could do for him. Nothing at all. His head wound was too severe and so was the chest wound. He had no real chance." He finally whispered. Margaret knew, but the guilt would not go away. She had more to say.

"Hawkeye… Can we talk? I mean, really talk?" Margaret asked. She thought of rejection. She hated rejection.

"Ok Margaret, we can talk… but remember, I can't be serious for more than a minute!" Hawkeye tried to lighten the mood. Margaret just gave a weak smile. She knew what he was trying to do and she appreciated it, but she was also infuriated by it. For once she was being completely serious and honest with him and he cracked a joke! He was hiding his feelings. He was scared to talk to her. He didn't know what would come of it.

A FEW HOURS LATER IN MARGARET'S TENT

"Margaret, what do you want to talk about…You've had me here for over 20 minutes and you haven't said a word. What's wrong?" Hawkeye was genuinely concerned for Margaret, but he was also very confused. Was she going to scold him? Was she going to hit him? He didn't know.

Margaret turned and faced him for the first time since he entered her tent. She looked sad, almost melancholy. She simply asked him one question. "What do you think of me?" It was a loaded question, but Margaret could only think of those words.

"Margaret… I don't know what to tell you. I think you're the best nurse that I've ever worked with, you're great with the patients and you can be very funny when you want to be. Remember the sulpha between the two end tables?" Margaret had to smile. Hawkeye continued. "You also know that I think you are very attractive… Please don't hit me! I have come to know you more in recent months and I know now that you are an incredible woman." Hawkeye didn't know what else to say. He'd thought all these things, but he'd never guessed that Margaret would know from his own lips.

"Thank you Hawkeye." Margaret knew him well enough to know that he was being sincere.

"Margaret, why did you want to know this?"

"I wanted to know because I wanted to make sure that I'm not doomed to have an unhappy life. I wanted to know that I can still be liked… and that I can still be loved." She was on the verge of tears and Hawkeye knew that she was going to begin the waterworks soon. "Margaret, you can cry if you want. I'm here for you." With that, Margaret collapsed into his arms and cried for herself, for each and every patient that had died and for Hawkeye, the most unmilitary man in the world and the only one she loved.


	2. Chapter 2

Hey guys, I have decided to continue this story after all. I don't know where it's headed, but I hope you like it :-)

After her talk with Hawkeye the previous night, Margaret felt much better. Hawkeye always had the knack to make her feel cared for. She didn't know how he did it. Her feelings had grown stronger for him, but she didn't want to tell him… well, at least not yet. She wanted to be sure that she wasn't mistaken in the signals he was giving her.

As she walked across the compound, she saw the new nurse that had come from Tokyo General. She seemed nice enough and she was very beautiful. Margaret knew that Hawkeye would be dating her soon enough. At that moment, Hawkeye walked out of the Swamp. She half expected him to at least look at the nurse. He didn't. He walked right passed her and walked directly to Margaret. Margaret was shocked to say the least.

"Margaret, good morning. How are you feeling?" Margaret couldn't answer. She was too absorbed in her thoughts.

A few seconds later she answered, rather dazed. "I'm better Hawkeye… Can I ask you something? Why didn't you talk to my new nurse?"

Hawkeye looked rather confused. "New nurse… Ah, you mean the girl I just walked passed. Well, she's good looking, but she doesn't have your smile." At this Margaret began to struggle for breath. She didn't know why. Hawkeye also noticed.

"Margaret, are you ok? Stop and breathe in deeply." Margaret did as she was told and she felt better.

"I'm fine Hawkeye. I don't know what came over me." She thought that she might get away with the lie. She knew she was jealous. For once in her life she got away with lying to Hawkeye. However, he did insist on staying with her until he knew that she would not run out of air again.

"Hawkeye, I'm a big girl. I'll be fine. Just go to the Mess Tent and eat something." She just wanted to be alone. She was scared because she now had no reason to hide her feelings from Hawkeye. He wasn't looking at other nurses for once and it was because of her.

"Ok Margaret, but I'll be visiting you tonight. I think you need to talk and get something of your chest." Margaret nodded and he left.

Margaret walked back to her tent and thought about what she was to tell Hawkeye that night. Even though she was scared of telling him her innermost feelings, she knew that she had to. Even if they didn't work out, telling him would help her maintain her sanity.

- o -

What will Margaret tell Hawkeye? Will she tell the truth and risk her heart or will she lie to him? How will Hawkeye react? You'll see soon :-)


	3. Chapter 3

Hey everyone. I have just finished chapter 3 of this story. Where is it headed? Who knows? Please enjoy :-)

LATER THAT NIGHT

Margaret sat in her tent thinking about her future and what it was going to hold. She no longer had Frank, Donald or Scully. She was alone and frankly she was getting tired of it. She wanted someone to love her and not just anyone. She wanted Hawkeye. If someone had said that a year before she would have laughed at his or face and had the person court-martialled. Now, however, she saw the possibility of being with him. She only gained some courage to tell something to Hawkeye because she now knew that he was not looking at other nurses or dating them. He paid more attention to her. He had changed. What had changed him? Maybe it was just the war and destruction. After seeing that, people want someone they want to come home to at night. Mid thought there was a knock at the door.

"Margaret, it's me Hawkeye. Can I come in?"

"Come in Hawkeye, it's open."

When Hawkeye walked in he saw Margaret wearing a worried expression sitting on her cot. He was glad that he had decided to come and talk to her. She needed him. He, however, did not know that she needed him in more ways than one.

"Margaret, are you ok? You seem really worried? Is it something to do with your parents?"

Margaret looked away from him. She was beginning to chicken out. "I've just got a lot of things on my mind, that's all."

As Hawkeye went to sit down on the cot next to her, he asked. "Would you like to talk about some of it?" Hawkeye thought that he was probably going to hear the same things Margaret had confessed to him before.

Margaret looked at him and she saw the opportunity for avoiding the 'complete' answer. So, she began to rant on.

"I'm sick of the war Hawkeye. What's going to happen when the war eventually does end? Where am I gonna live? I haven't got a hometown like you do. I don't know what a home is, except for the 4077th. This place has been a home to me. I have had a home for the first time. I don't want to lose that. Look at me, I'm a US Army Major and I'm alone…" That's when she stopped. She didn't want to get into it yet. She was scared. She was also crying quietly into her pillow.

"Margaret, I know you have mixed feelings about leaving this place. So do I. I hate the blood and the senseless destruction, but I love the people. It's gonna be hard, but we'll keep in contact, you know that." While he said this, he was gently rubbing Margaret's back. She felt like a young child scared of the dark. She only let herself be vulnerable in front of him.

"Margaret, I'm not going to push you, but I know there's more you wanna say. When you feel ready, just say it. I'm not leaving your room until you talk. There's a lull on and I have no where else to go." Margaret lay on her cot with a weak smile on her face. He really did care. But did he care for her in more than a friendship type way?

While Margaret lay there Hawkeye looked through some her beauty magazines. As he looked through, he looked at the woman on the cot. He saw that she was following some of the recommendations from the magazines. Her skin was soft and clear, her hair was shiny and her make up looked natural. He figured she was wearing make up because her lips were shiny. She looked beautiful. Hawkeye just wanted to grab her and kiss her, but he couldn't. He was there as a friend, a needed friend. There was nothing more to it.

A few minutes later, Margaret sat up and looked at Hawkeye. "Hawkeye, I need to tell you something very important. I've been trying to avoid this from the start, but thinking now made me realise that I can't avoid it any longer." As she said this, she felt her heart skip a beat. His blue eyes did it for her. She was lost in his eyes. The rest of her speech came out in monotone. She was completely absorbed in the Captain. "For some time now I have begun to care about you. You're the only person that can make me laugh in every circumstance… I think I'm in love with you Hawkeye."

- o -

How will Hawkeye react? Will he feel the same way? To be continued… I love a cliffhanger:-)


	4. Chapter 4

Everyone. Here's chapter 4. I know everyone wants Hawkeye to jump into Margaret's arms and then live happily ever after. Well, that would be no fun to write, so the chapter is headed in a different direction. Don't worry though because there will be a happy ending. Enjoy :-)

"You're in love with me?" Hawkeye was in an absolute panic. He never thought that Margaret would actually reciprocate his feelings. Now he didn't know what to do.

"Hawkeye. Yes, I'm in love with you… I thought that you had feelings for me too." Margaret was looking down at her lap and playing nervously with her hands.

"Margaret… I have to go… I have to get outta here!" At this, Hawkeye walked out of Margaret's tent and headed to Rosie's.

AT ROSIE'S

Hawkeye sat at the bar thinking. 'How can she love me? I'm unmilitary, a prankster and a womaniser. She can't love me! There's no way. I'm the complete opposite of her!… Then again, I fell for her and I know we're opposites. What am I gonna do? I've probably offended Margaret. I can't lose her. How do I approach her without her killing me?' Just as this last thought was going through his mind, BJ came in.

"Hawk, I've been looking for you." BJ then realised that Hawkeye was not ok. "What's wrong Hawk? You look upset."

"Thanks Beej, I didn't want to only feel like crap, I also wanted to look it." There was bitterness in his voice.

"Hawk, tell me what's wrong. I may be able to help." BJ sat on the stool next to Hawkeye's.

"How can you honestly help a man who's a complete failure in his personal life? I've screwed up big time Beej. Big time. I think I may have offended someone and I don't know how to go to the person to apologise for being such an idiot!" BJ could only smile. He knew his friend to well to know whom he was talking about. Only one person in the world could cause Hawkeye Pierce to crash into a depressive state.

"It's Margaret, huh?" Hawkeye looked at his best friend and nodded.

"What did you do? It couldn't have been that bad?"

Hawkeye gave a weak smile and retold the incident.

AT THE SAME TIME IN MARGARET'S TENT

Margaret was crying out of shock. 'How could I have read the signals so wrongly? I thought he cared. He showed me so many times. What happened?'

Margaret kept recalling the moment in slow motion. Hawkeye's reaction was what hurt her most. 'How could he act like that? Even if he doesn't love me I am his friend. What just happened?'

Within 15 minutes, there was a knock on the door. 'Could it be Hawkeye? No, it's not him.'

"Who is it?"

"Margaret, it's the Colonel. Can I come in?" Colonel Potter had seen Hawkeye leave in a hurry and he was worried about Margaret.

"Sure sir, come on in." While she said this, she wiped away her tears of bitterness and anger. She didn't want the Colonel to see her in that fashion.

"Margaret, are you ok? I saw Pierce leave in a hurry and I wanted to know if you were ok after that." Margaret gave him a reassuring smile.

"Colonel, I'm fine. Really. We just had a little disagreement, that's all. It's nothing serious."

The Colonel was an older man who had been in love for over 30 years. He could see Margaret was hurting and Pierce was the cause of this pain. "Margaret, what happened? Please tell me. You know I think of you as a daughter. I don't like to see you upset."

Margaret looked into the Colonel's eyes. She could see caring and sincerity in them. She saw more caring than her father had ever shown her. He had never cared if a man hurt his daughter. He knew that all his 'General' friends were with his 'little girl', but he never said a word. He thought that she would be promoted easily this way and that's all he cared about. Margaret felt like opening up to the Colonel.

"Well sir, Hawkeye came into my tent to demand to know what was wrong with me…" Margaret recounted the event from beginning to end.

After Margaret had finished, she was crying. The Colonel was shocked at Hawkeye's reaction. Even he had suspected that Hawkeye had feelings for Margaret. The Colonel could only comfort Margaret.

"My dear, he'll come around. I know him. He won't let you stay upset. He'll come and talk. It might just take him some time before he comes over. Don't worry about him. He's probably just in shock and wants to absorb the 'bomb' you dropped on him. Give him time." Margaret smiled and wiped away her tears.

"Thank you sir. I'll wait." The Colonel got up from Margaret's cot and walked out, not before giving her a kiss on the cheek.

AT ROSIE'S

BJ could not believe what Hawkeye had just told him. He never would have thought that Margaret would have been the first to confess her feelings. She WAS braver than he thought.

"Now that you know, Beej, what do I do?" Hawkeye looked very worried and upset.

"Hawkeye, I can't tell you what to do, but I can help you to decide. Now, do you love Margaret?"

Without even blinking Hawkeye responded. "More than anything Beej. She means the world to me. I just don't know if we could last. We're in the middle of a war. Do I love her because of the war or because of who she is?"

BJ just looked at his friend straight in the eyes. "What do you really think Hawk?"

"Beej, I love her. I know I love her."

BJ smiled and said. "Give yourself some time to cool off. Go and see her tomorrow if you feel up to it. She will be calmer by then and you can talk. Tell her how you feel and tell her why you reacted that way. By the way, why did you react like that?"

"Because, I was shocked. I never thought that she could feel the same way. I was an idiot, oh boy, was I an idiot."

"Well, at least Margaret loves that idiot, so go to her."

Hawkeye nodded in agreement and returned to the Swamp. He had to prepare for what was coming.

- o -

How will Margaret react to Hawkeye's apology? You will find out soon :-)


	5. Chapter 5

Ok people. I have written chapter 5 of this little story. I hope you all like it. The cliffhanger had to be there because writing would not have been much fun. Enjoy :-)

THE SWAMP THAT NIGHT

While the camp was asleep, Hawkeye kept tossing and turning in his cot. He was nervous to say the least. Now he had to think of the most beautiful apology ever in order to keep Margaret. He knew one thing. He did not want to lose her. 'What am I gonna say to her? I'm the one who ran away in a panic. Do I just tell her I love her? Will that solve it? I highly doubt it. I have to do everything right.' When Hawkeye was satisfied that he could in fact have Margaret, he fell into a restless sleep.

MARGARET'S TENT THAT NIGHT

Margaret lay on her bed, waiting for Hawkeye to show up. She loved him, she couldn't help it. She just wanted him to walk into her tent, apologise and accept her as his… girlfriend? 'Girlfriend, it sounds like we're in high school. What would I be? His partner? We're too old for the girlfriend and boyfriend thing…' With these thoughts, she fell asleep.

0500 THE NEXT MORNING

Hawkeye woke up after a terrible nights sleep. He couldn't waste anymore time. He had to get Margaret to forgive him. He had to prove that he loved her and trusted her completely. 'What am I gonna do?'

Suddenly, a thought occurred to him. He had an idea. He knew it was a bit cheesy, but it would get the point across. Firstly, he needed Klinger's help…

0600 IN MARGARET'S TENT

Margaret's light snoring was interrupted by a knock at the door. "Who is it?"

"Ma'am, it's Corporal Klinger. You're needed in Post-Op. One of the nurses has come down with something and they need you to take her place."

"Very well Klinger, I'll be there in a few minutes." Margaret got dressed ands left for Post-Op.

While this was happening, Hawkeye was watching from the Swamp. He needed Margaret to leave her tent so he could set up his apology. With Klinger's help, he had gotten everything he needed very quickly. Hawkeye had to trade all his nudist magazines as well as his magnifying glass for these. He didn't care. He just cared about Margaret.

IN MARGARET'S TENT AFTER SHE LEFT FOR POST-OP

Hawkeye busily put everything in place. He had managed to get the first chopper of the day to take his requests to camp. No one suspected a thing because that chopper also brought the mail.

Hawkeye set up Margaret's table inside the tent with candles and REAL food. He knew Margaret wasn't too keen on meat so he got steamed vegetables and rice. He 'borrowed' some of Charles' quality champagne as well as one of his records. It was a Bach recording. He wanted something sweet. 'Everything in here is done, now it's time for outside.'

Klinger had managed to get Hawkeye some flowers. They were fresh and colourful. Hawkeye thought when he first saw them. 'Much like Margaret's personality, colourful.' He smiled at this.

He put a bouquet of the flowers with a note on the table. He, however, kept some petals to do something rather unusual, never before seen at the MASH unit. He spread the petals from Post-Op to Margaret's tent. Now he just needed Klinger to call her out.

POST-OP

Post-Op was short staffed (only because Klinger told Able to get ready to go to Seoul to get supplies), so Margaret's presence was welcomed. As she was checking a young soldier's BP, Klinger walked in.

"Major, you need to come outside. Colonel Potter wants to see you. He's in his tent."

"Ok Klinger, let me just finish this BP and then I'll go." Margaret wrote the last of the information on the boy's chart, grabbed her jacket and stepped outside.

"Oh my God Klinger, what's going on here?"

"What do you mean Major?"

Margaret looked at the ground and saw petals. They were headed toward her tent. "I mean, why are there petals that go to my tent?"

"I don't know Major, but why don't you go and see for yourself?"

"I will, Corporal, I will." With this, Margaret ran to her tent.

As soon as she opened the door she saw the table candlelit and with food that WASN'T from the Mess Tent. She couldn't speak. She also saw the flowers. She picked them up, smelt them and read the note:

"Margaret,

Look at your cot."

After reading this, she looked toward her bed and saw Hawkeye sitting there. He was cleanly shaven and he was wearing his tuxedo. Margaret couldn't help but smile.

"Hawkeye…" Hawkeye put his finger to his lips telling her to keep quiet.

"Margaret, let me speak. I'm sorry about how I reacted. I just never thought that you felt the same way. I'm not good enough for you and not to mention the fact that your father hates me. I just want you to know that I love you too."

Margaret was crying. 'I've been doing too much crying lately, haven't I?' She thought.

"Margaret, are you alright?" Hawkeye looked concerned.

"I don't know whether to hit you or forgive you for your idiotic behaviour… I guess I can forgive you."

Suddenly Margaret looked at herself. "Hawkeye, I'm a mess. I'm wearing my fatigues when you're wearing a tuxedo! I can't be here like this."

"Margaret you look beautiful, but if you want to change into a nice dress that I saw in your closet, you can. I might even be able to help you." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"I'll change, but you can't be in here."

"I can't walk around camp in a tuxedo!"

"Why not, you walked around camp naked once!"

"You saw that?" Hawkeye was shocked that she hadn't reported him.

"I did… and I know you're thinking why I didn't report you. Well, I let you get a reaction from the camp. I knew someone would notice and you'd be embarrassed. At that time I finally learnt that military discipline isn't something you respond to. Humiliation is." Margaret smiled evilly.

"Margaret, you evil woman. Ok, I'll leave. How long do you need?"

"Maybe 20 minutes."

"I'll be back then. I think I'll just go back to the Swamp so people don't see me like this." Hawkeye smiled and walked out.

Margaret began getting changed…

20 MINUTES LATER

"Margaret, it's Hawkeye. Are you ready yet?"

"Come in Hawkeye."

"Wow, Margaret. You look fantastic!" She was wearing a low cut lilac dress. It wasn't the dress Hawkeye had seen in the closet.

"Where did you get the dress?"

"It was in my footlocker. I bought it in the States before we got shipped here. I wanted a reminder of home… I'm glad you like it."

"I love it. Your hair is up and you're wearing make up! How did you do that so quickly?"

"Hawkeye, I'm in the Army. I've learned to do everything quickly."

"I hope you don't mean EVERYTHING." Hawkeye pouted.

Margaret had to laugh. "No, I just meant preparation-wise."

Hawkeye seemed to relax. "My lady, will you take your seat?"

Margaret sat down and looked carefully at the food.

"Hawkeye, are we going to eat steamed vegetables and rice at this time of the day? It's breakfast!"

"Would you rather eat what the Mess Tent has to offer?"

"No, I guess not. Where did you get this stuff?"

"Don't look a gift horse in the mouth Margaret. Just enjoy the taste."

After they began to eat Margaret kept looking at Hawkeye carefully. He looked happy for the first time and she was happy that she was causing him to feel like this.

Hawkeye was thinking the same thing about Margaret. He saw a genuine smile in her lips that he had never really seen before. He liked this woman. No, he loved this woman. He liked making her feel happy. He could get used to it as a full time job. 'Hawkeye Pierce, settle down? Who would've thought?' Hawkeye questioned himself.

After they ate all the food, they looked at each other and smiled.

"Margaret, I know you struggle with your emotions and everything. So do I. I promise that I will not hurt you. You've been hurt enough for one lifetime. You need someone who loves you unconditionally. I love you that way."

"Hawkeye. I love you. That's all that matters now." She smiled brightly.

"Margaret, may I kiss you?"

"Of course Hawkeye. After all, we've just told each other that we're in love. It's the least you could do really."

The couple then kissed.

Hawkeye, as usual, had to joke. "What do you mean the least I could do? You want more? Ok."

Margaret laughed. "I do, but not now. Stop joking and kiss me Pierce. That's an order."

"That's an order I can follow."

THE END

- o -

I hope the ending was what you wanted. Please review :-)


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